Alpha Force
by KyuRisu
Summary: Two Shapeshifter girls and their friends try to survive and keep their dear ones safe as they follow the path of the Force. Rated for moderate language and mentions of sex.
1. Sleepwalker

**Hello! This is a humorous fic, so if settings/situations/characters are OOC, implausible, or just plain don't exist, keep in mind that it was entirely meant for this purpose. KyuRisu out.**

**Alpha Force**

**New Characters:**

**Alpha Skywalker (Al-Fa) M**

**Halo Skywalker (Hay-low) F**

**Delta Skywalker (Dell-Tah) M**

**Omega (Oh-Mag-Ah) M**

**Stelph (Stelf) M**

**Hennendo Kenobi (Hun-Nen-Doh) F**

**Fennendo Kenobi (Fuh-Nen-Doh) F**

**Angel F**

**Remendo Skywalker (Rah-Men-Doh) M**

**Sora (Sore-Ah) M**

**Helou (Hee-Loo) M**

**Hilet (Hee-Let) F**

**Sera/Heather Lien (Syra) F**

**Meia/Shelby McNew (Mee-Ah) F**

**Master Quoto (Qwoh-Toe) M**

The Jedi Temple was in chaos. Again. Not to mention it was the middle of the night. The Jedi Council were running like scared rabbits screaming. "Shelby McNew's got a Lightsaber! Run for the hills!"The others, hearing this, complied instantly, fleeing the Jedi Temple and running for the hills. Shelby McNew was a young girl who had discovered their world by finding a portal while sleepwalking. Therefore, whenever she went to sleep on Earth, she would wake up on Coruscant. She was training to be a Jedi, because she was Force-sensitive, but she was also a Shapeshifter, leaving her as an honorary member of Alpha Force. She sleepwalked frequently, and did crazy things while asleep. Some of these included: Blowing things up, pinning Jedi, Padawans, and Younglings to various things using a seemingly unlimited array of things, painting things with a variety of materials, writing crazy things, selling them out to the Separatists, and attacking Jedi with various weapons, particularly male Jedi in the nuts, and doing it with random beings, even other females. This time, she was running rampant with a Lightsaber.

Sera, a fellow Shapeshifter and Shelby's best friend both here and in real life, was the only one brave enough to approach her, whispering into her ear. "Ventress!" She spazzed out, waking up in the process. "AHHHHH!- Oh hi everyone…terribly sorry to bother you… Oh shit, l am SO dead!" Alpha walked towards her, looking pissed. "Yes. Yes you are." No one was stupid enough to take a threat from the Death Shapeshifter idly, so Shelby was smart, muttered an apology and ran for her own room, sealing it shut with a Fire Lock so that only other Fire Shapeshifters could open the door. "That was close…"

The next day, Shelby was very tired, and so unwisely consumed ten cups of coffee, leaving her on a _major_ caffeine high. She was quite literally bouncing off the walls while the Jedi Council tried (and failed) to calm her down. Mace Windu bellowed at the top of his lungs. _**"WHO GAVE HER COFFEE!"**_The cafeteria vender looked both terrified and indignant at the same time. "She wanted coffee! What was l supposed to do, refuse her?" Anakin spat out an answer as a fork flew at him, effectively pinning his sleeve to the wall. "Yes. You were supposed to do _exactly that. _Here's a lesson. _Never give Shelby McNew coffee!"_ "Okay…"

In about an hour, Shelby had somewhat come down from her caffeine high, but was still _very_ hyper, leading to her beating the crap out of Obi-Wan in 'saber practice, due to her body being on high speed. _Very high_ speed. Even Ahsoka, with her Togruta heritage, had a hard time following her movements. After that, they had her running errands all over the Jedi Temple in the hopes that it would keep her from destroying the place. After she had _finally _calmed down, she crashed on to her bed and fell asleep. Little did she know that she had an uninvited guest.

In about an hour, Shelby awoke to someone tapping her shoulder. "What is it- AHHHHHHHH SORA!" She screamed as loud as she could. (Which was, by the way, so loud that the entire galaxy could hear her.) Sora smiled and said in a voice not unlike a small boy's, "Hello there, Sweetie. I know my visit was a bit...unexpected, but you and l have to get it on." Shelby grabbed the nearest thing to her and threw it at him. "PERVERT!"

Alpha and Halo ran into the room, alarmed and searching the place for any explosives. "Did I hear you say 'Sora'!" They knew that when Shelby and Sora were in the same place things did not ever turn out good. Shelby grabbed something else, which happened to be a bomb. "SHELBY! DON'T THROW THA-!" *KABOOM* "Too late..." Shelby had blown up the Jedi Temple _again,_ but the good thing was that no one ever seemed to be hurt when this happened. Halo counted down from ten. "Three...two...one..." "SHELBY MCNEW!" She sighed. "Right on target. We better get this place rebuilt. Come on Alpha." "Right." _'We're gonna need more bricks.'_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

In case you are _incredibly _dull, here is a list to help you.

Doing it: Having Sex Nuts: Penis F: Female M: Male (X): Pronunciation guide

'_This:' _Thought. "_This:" _Emphasis during speech. _This: _Emphasis "This:" Speech. 'This:' Quote during speech. THIS: Very loud speech.


	2. Mission Impossible

Shelby lay down in her bed, preparing to go to sleep. She was able to bring whatever she liked to Coruscant, so long as she slept with it, and so was sleeping her rain boots on, as she was told she would need them, because the Jedi didn't have any small enough for her. As she drifted off to sleep, her physical body faded away, and she was back in the Jedi Temple. Of course, she had managed to flatten her Master as well.

"Urgghh...Shelby...get off!" "Oops, sorry Master Kenobi!" She got off. "Mind telling me why I needed to bring rain boots?"

Obi-Wan told her that they were going to a watery planet before leaving to tell the others that she was there. Of course that meant, in short, everybody better be on _high alert_. Alpha sent clones to guard the weaponry room, as she would undoubtedly sleepwalk tonight, and if she got a hold of anything that could hurt someone... Well here's a basic explanation. You're fucked. After that was done, everyone got ready to leave on a mission to Dac. When they got there, a clone nicknamed Echosong walked up to them and started singing.

"This place about to blow-oh-oh-oh-oh, Blow-oh-oh-oh-oh!" Obi-Wan looked at him like he was crazy, while Shelby understood. "Fuck! Rex, Cody, secure the ship, everyone else, evacuate!" "Shelby, are you taking him seriously!" "Yes, yes I am. His name is Echosong because all he can do is echo song lyrics! He's serious, there's a bomb on the ship!" "OH SHIT! Everyone off the ship!"

They evacuated quickly, but not quickly enough. When the bomb went off, Cody and Rex were still on the ship, and began to hurtle to the ground. "CODY! REX! NO!" Shelby somehow ended up transforming into her Shapeshifter form, wings propelling her towards them. She caught them as everyone else looked at her in shock. Alpha shouted at Halo. "Meia has emerged!" "WHAT!" "Shelby transformed!" Halo promptly passed out in shock. Anakin was more concerned about the clones, who had fainted in fear, as Meia set them down. "Are they alright?" "They should be."

When the trio came to, they helped Meia change back into Shelby, contacting The Jedi Council to let them know that they had landed and that everyone was alright. Shelby tugged on Obi-Wan's arm. "So... Now what?" He facepalmed, annoyed at the group's incompetence. "You mean to tell me that no one told you the plan!" "Uh...Yes?" "Great..." He took out his datapad. "Well, the plan is to position ourselves in cooperation with Sera, Stelph and one half of the 501st at point A, and Delta, Omega, and a half of the 212th at point B. We, with the remaining halves of both legions, are at point C. We form a triangle around point D, where the Seps have Captured Ahsoka, Angel, and Remendo. We will continue to close the formation, as three groups will throw them off our trail. Once we spot them, we shall engage them in battle while you and Sera free the hostages. Got it?" "Yes, Master. Let's go!"

The plan went fairly well, the group managing to engage the Seps and Sera and Shelby slipping past, so now they were trying to find the exact location of the hostages. "Do you think they're this way?" "Why would the be this way, there aren't any droids to stand guard!" "That's because they're all out battling the others, moron!" "Fine! We'll try your way!" They went the way Shelby suggested, and within a few minutes, they found Ahsoka, Angel, and Remendo, who were thankfully unharmed. "Hey, you found us!" "Quiet!" They unlocked the door and within minutes were able to see the blaster bolts flying. Suddenly, Ventress dropped down from a ledge, scaring the shit out of Shelby-literally. "AAAAAHHHHH!" All of them took off running, though none of them were as fast as Shelby. They managed to alert the group, and everyone escaped to a Starship. Well, everyone but one, who was still running for the hills. Sera took charge. "SHELBY, SIT!" She faceplanted-hard. Sera picked her up and carried her to the ship, and contacted the Jedi Council to tell them that everyone was more or less alright. "What do you mean, 'more or less?'" "One word: Ventress." Halo counted down again. "Three...two...one..." "SHELBY MCNEW!" She sighed. _"_At least she didn't blow up the ship..."*KABOOM* _'Oops, spoke too soon...'_


	3. Tainted Love

Sera and company had just returned from the barely successful and very tiring mission, and so everyone was glad to get some rest. Of course, Sera's peaceful rest didn't last for long before being rudely interrupted. "AAAAHHHHH!" Sera jolted out of bed. "What the kriff!" Stelph opened the partition that separated their rooms. "Hey Sera, I think our Jedi's in trouble." "Why...?" She asked sleepily. Sera did not like waking up at four in the morning. "Well..." "SHELBY MCNEW!" He facepalmed. "There's your answer." He then hurried out of the room. "Oh shit!" Sera said, quickly diving through a cold water loop, thanks to her Water Shapeshifter powers, to wake herself up and running after Stelph. What they found was _not_ pretty. Anakin stood pinned to the wall with forks, without pants, and with a golf club shoved up his ass. And it wasn't the handle. "Oh, God!" Sera said, turning away and hiding behind a pillar. Shelby stopped, and Stelph was sure that her eyes would be glinting had they not been tightly shut. Pulling the golf club out of Anakin's ass, she turned around. "Sera." She said, running towards her. "OH SHIT!"

Sera ran. _'Hey, admire the scenery. It's not everyday you get chased around the Jedi Temple by a psychotic girl with a golf club... Who also happens to be fast asleep!' _Eventually, Shelby dropped away and started chasing after Kit Fisto, who ended up looking for his pants, which had been placed over his eyes. Thankfully, he still had his underwear. By this time, everyone was wide awake, awoken by the alarms blaring. "SHELBY MCNEW ALERT! SHELBY MCNEW ALERT!" Obi-Wan and Ahsoka were tried to catch her-bad idea, as they ended up drenched in mustard. Alpha was pissed off about what she had done to Anakin, but knew it wasn't really her fault, and so kept his anger down a bit. However, he still would have been more than fast enough to catch Shelby had he not been constantly tripped up by various...obstacles. Finally, Sera caught her by putting up a Water Shield around her. Unfortunately, due to her also being a Water Shapeshifter, she didn't stay in it for long, but she had stayed in it long enough for the other Jedi to form a wall barricading the hallway. Somehow, even though she was asleep, she seemed to know that they were there, and she could feel their mixed fear and anger. She woke up. "Oh hi... What'd I do this time?" Alpha facepalmed. "Check the security cameras. Oh, and after you're done with that, CLEAN THIS SHIT UP!" "Got it, got it, got it..." she muttered, squeezing past the wall of Jedi and running off. _'This is gonna be funny.' _

The next day, the Temple was cleaned up and Shelby and Ahsoka were sparring. Shelby was good at dodging, but frontal attacks were nearly impossible, because of her lack of strength. Ahsoka was preying on that weakness by recklessly charging her, trying to force her into bladelock. Meanwhile, Anakin and Obi-Wan were on the sidelines yelling out orders while Master Yoda looked at them as if to say 'You're all idiots.' Or, in Yoda Speak, 'Idiots, you all are.' Ahsoka charged at Shelby again while her back was turned, but she heard her footsteps and leapt into the air, doing a backflip and aiming directly for Ahsoka's hands, forcing her to drop the 'saber. Within seconds, Shelby had her 'saber at the Togruta's throat, a strangely Dark look in her eyes. "Yield" She growled. She did instantly, unnerved by the look in her eyes. Obi-Wan's jaw hit the floor, while Anakin just facepalmed. "That's not how you do it Ahsoka!" "Well then you tell me what to do in that situation!" She snapped. _'Especially when she's looking at me like Helou or Hilet would...'_ Within seconds, they were locked in a heated argument, and everyone there (Save Luminara and Barriss, who really didn't care by this point, having been witness to many of their late-night quarrels, because their shared quarters were right next to said Jedi) wisely just walked away. In about an hour, Anakin was fidgeting with his comlink, and Ahsoka was talking to Obi-Wan about the sudden rush of the Dark Force in her friend. "This is not good. I'll have to talk to her about it. I do know that she would never turn to the Dark Side on purpose, but..." Ahsoka finished for him. "You're still worried." "Yep."

The next day, Shelby was meditating, and Anakin was dead to the world in his bed. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka tried to wake him up, but to no success. Finally, fed up with her Master's laziness, she leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Master, here comes Padmé!" He jolted out of bed, looking around furiously. "Padmé! Where? Did she say where she wanted to meet me for dinner! What about the time? Kriff, I've gotta get ready!" Suddenly realizing that Padmé was _not there_, and his Padawan and his Master were looking at him _very_ suspiciously, he gulped visibly. "Err... Sorry guys, that was just a crazy dream! Force, did I just have a dream that I was in love with Senator Amidala! AAAAHHHH!" He ran out of the room and somehow, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan remained completely clueless as to their relationship. "He has crazy dreams sometimes." "You're right, youngling." "I'M NOT A YOUNGLING!" "Okay, Okay, _Padawan_!" "Better." And of course Shelby, watching from the sidelines as she got fainter and fainter, beginning to wake up again, couldn't suppress a chuckle at their stupidity. _'If only you knew..."_


	4. Ignorance is Bliss

Alpha had_ finally_ managed to get his training over with for the day, and was now cursing himself for forgetting to bring his nut cup. He had been training Shelby in one-on-one Lightsaber drills, and if she was training with a guy, sooner or later, she would _always_ end up hitting said male in the nuts. With a Lightsaber. "She better be thankful she never does it on purpose." Alpha muttered. "_You_ better be thankful that her 'saber was on Stun Drive." He whipped around, surprised. "Anakin! Don't sneak up on me like that." "Wow, I actually managed to surprise you! _ No one_ surprises my little brother, except maybe Shelby McNew." He winked, somehow knowing exactly what happened even though he hadn't been there to see it. "You just shut up." He growled. "You wouldn't be so happy if it was you." Anakin shuddered, remembering the many, _many_ times that he had been hit in the same place, and decided not to take the conversation further. Suddenly, clones started running past them, at a voice from the door. "212th Legion, report to the hangar immediately! Don't make me come in there!"

"Oh shit, trouble alert!" Everyone ran outside to the streets of Coruscant, where the Senate building was being attacked. Anakin's eyes widened. "Fuck, PADMÉ!" He took off running, Shelby hot on his heels, all else forgotten. When they got there, the people were running all over the place in a panic. "We'sa gonna die!" "Shut up Jar-Jar!" "Oh, Miss Padmé, Miss Padmé, Master Anakin is looking for you." Her eyes filled with hope. "Anakin?" "Padmé! You're alright!" "Anakin!" They kissed, knowing that no one could see them. They were interrupted by an irritated voice. "While you two have your intimate husband and wife moment, I'm going to get blasted to death by droids! A little help here!"

Padmé stiffened. "Ani." "Yeah, she knows. I didn't tell her, I swear!" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Then how did she know?" He sighed. "It's a long story." _'Because, apparently, we're in a T.V. show.'_ "AAHH!" "SHELBY!"She had been hit in the shoulder, but the passage was cut off by super battle droids. Shoving Padmé and Jar-Jar into a corner, Anakin proceeded to cut his way towards her. However, before he could, Cody, Echosong, Deck, and Fireball blasted through the droid army in a matter of seconds using their machine guns, and rushed over to her. "Oh hi guys, you couldn't have gotten here sooner?" Cody put Bacta on her shoulder, concerned. "Are you alright?"

'_He cares so much, it's sweet really. Almost as if we were lovers... WHOA WHOA WHOA, HOLD THE COMLINK! I, Shelby McNew, Shapeshifter in training and Padawan to Obi-Wan Kenobi, did NOT just imagine that I was in love with a clone trooper! RIGHT!'_ She felt someone shaking her other shoulder. "Hey, _hey, _are you alright?" She looked up hurriedly, gazing into his amber eyes. "Shelby?" "Oh, yes, I'm fine, thank you Cody." She got up and turned away, but that didn't stop a fierce blush from setting Cody's cheeks afire as he ducked back into his helmet. "Good." He mumbled. "Let's go men. Everyone is safe here at least." They all left to protect the others, though thankfully there were only a few casualties and the Seps had taken off, but only after Shelby had accidentally blown up the majority of their forces. "Her clumsiness does come in handy sometimes." Obi-Wan mumbled, somewhat impressed as he watched Anakin cleaning up and Ahsoka picking through what was left of the Senate building. "Sometimes."

In a bit, they had found all of the survivors and were mourning the ones that hadn't made it. Anakin and Padme were especially upset as they mourned the loss of a close friend, that is, until someone decided to let Shelby light the funeral pyre. Bad, _bad _idea. "WHO SET THE SHIPS ON FIRE!" "Scratch that, WHO GAVE SHELBY A LIGHTER!" "Scratch both of those and PUT OUT THIS FIRE!" Everyone agreed with that, and started spraying, foaming, and smothering the fire before it spread. When that was finished, Obi-Wan sent Shelby back to the Temple to 'Practice her Ataru skills.' Which was really code for; 'Get the hell out of here before you destroy anything else.' She sighed as she got into the speeder. _'This is gonna be a looong night. I can't wait to take a shower and get some shut-eye for once.' _

**So, no one is going to kill me for shipping Cody and me right? RIGHT! **


	5. Totally NOT Spies

Shelby was on the roof of the Jedi Temple spraying Anakin down with a hose while he hung off the building upside down by a rope tied around his ankle. Luckily, neither was afraid of heights. "Why am I doing this?" "Because Delta decided to put up a rope trap for Omega _again_, along with Omega putting a spraypaint trap for Delta in the _exact same place_, and _I_ got caught in both of them!" "Lucky you." "I hope to God that was sarcasm." "It was. Now, have a nice flight!" Shelby had finished spraying him and cut the rope, sending him sailing towards the ground. Of course, Alpha and Halo had rigged a net below him, but Shelby decided to be mean and let him think that there was nothing to catch him. "What? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shelby almost died laughing when Anakin landed in the net and started attacking it. *The following language is not appropriate for anyone under eighteen* "ANI, YOU'RE FINE!" She screamed, not exactly wanting him to die of a heart attack. "DON'T CALL ME ANI!" He screamed back. But then, he froze, realizing that he was _not_ about to die and that he was perfectly fine. "SHELBY MCNEW!" _'Shit, I'm running now!'_

Finally, after Shelby had lost Anakin, she sat down in her airspeeder, exhausted. _'Note to self. DON'T try that again!' _Suddenly, she heard a knock at the window. It was Sera. "Hey Sera, come in." She did, removing her coat and shoes. "Let me guess, Anakin?" "Yep. He got caught in Delta's rope trap and I cut the rope. Without letting him know that there was a net below him." Sera stared in shock for a few seconds, and then started laughing. It was just few chuckles at first, but then it grew to uproarious, rolling on the floor in tears laughter. "You- you did WHAT!? I don't believe it! Oh I wish I'd been there!" When she calmed down, she sat up. "Anyway, I came here to tell you that we've got a spy mission with Alpha, Obi-Wan, and Padmé." "Oh. I'll just use this ship. Where are we headed?" "Alderaan." Shelby's breath caught in her throat. She knew what happened to Alderaan, but luckily, that was a sort of alternate universe. However, it still brought back not-so-fond memories. She shook it off and replied, her voice sounding clipped, almost cold. "Oh." Sera, being an Ice Shapeshifter primarily, (and Water, Fire, and Death) Was too dense to pick up on her friend's unease, so she simply gripped the controls and took off. _'Good thing I remembered not to let Shelby drive...'_

When they got to Alderaan, they met up with Alpha's group and landed. "So... the plan?" Alpha pulled out his notebook. "Padmé will pretend to be a senator for the separatists, while we pretend to be her bodyguards. Obi-Wan, Shelby, you're too familiar to them, so you'll be in the background, making sure we're okay if we get caught." "Got it." They split up, and ended up in a large building, being shown around. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a voice. "Oh, miss Padmé, miss Padmé, I'm so glad you're safe!" "Threepio?" The guard tensed up. "Padmé...? SH'S A SPY FOR THE REPUBLIC!" Shelby and Obi-Wan burst out of hiding and engaged the guards while Alpha got Sera and Padmé out. They all met up again sometime later, with Shelby carrying Threepio, despite Alpha's threats to melt him down. When they were in hyperspace, the group started chewing out Threepio, until Shelby noticed something. "wait... If we're all here... WHO'S FLYING THE SHIP!?" They crash-landed on Coruscant. Everyone survived, and stayed conscious long enough to scream. Halo had a strange feeling that she should count down, so she did. "Three...two...one..." "SHELBY MCNEW!" "So that's why... Oh well!"


End file.
